8:36 AM FirstclassTurkey: KingMonkey, there is nothing you could have done about your friends. I know you're thinking, "I should have been there" or, "I could have done something" but what has happened, well, happened. Your friends were important to you, seeing as they are your friends, but I think the first thing you should do right now is... forgive yourself. Sure there might have been things you would have done differently, things you would have wanted to do better, but that was in the past. Right now, all you can deal with, and all that you have to deal with, is in front of you.
Dude, the only person who can help you keep your shite together is yourself. Let me tell you this, sometimes, the mind lies. It tells you that you cant do certain things, you should have, why didnt you? Your brain is sort of, well, distracting you. Maybe you want to die now but think about it, if you drop dead now, who would you be leaving behind? Your relationship, family, friends, and the mystery of a future that you wont witness simply because you'd be dead.
KingMonkey, think of everything that could happen if you were gone. You'd miss out on a lot of things, and sure you wont be here when earth finally destroys itself thanks to humans, but think of all the thinks you could have done. Think of all the things you can do now. Just being alive right now means you have the chance to make things right. You can change things, you can learn the guitar, you can study politics and kick some corrupt politician arse, you can do anything. I know it sounds like some cheesy motivational video, but its true.
You may feel like the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders and you want to end it, but trust me, so many people go through that. But here is the thing, they go through those things and they emerge stronger because they learn from experience. Not knowing whats coming tomorrow is part of life, so I say,
KingMonkey, take one step at a time. Go see a psychologist or a psychiatrist on the schizophrenia and bipolar stuff, but talk to someone first. If you wish to be anonymous, go to chathub and "vent". Let it out. Talk to a mirror if you have to. Just let it out. Shout if you must. Once you let it out, go take one step at a time, and I promise you, things will get better.
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